- Whoever is praying for snow please stop.
- Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons-come hear one.
- There's something about the Virgin Mary.
- Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!
- Sign broken. Message inside .
- Rapture Threat Level: ORANGE.
- Christmas Service Jesus: 2005 Years Young.
- Church parking only. Violators may be baptized.
- God loves you whether you like it or not.
- Evil women in history: from Jezebel to Janet
- Today's Topic: He Knows What You Did Last Summer.
- Thou Shalt Turn Off They Cell Phone.
- Dysfunctional family welcome. You’ll fit right in.
- Free Wi-Fi During Sermon
Actual Church Sign source: http://www.says-it.com/churchsigns/gallery.php
Simpsons Signs source: http://www.snpp.com/guides/religion.html