Monday, May 2, 2011

The Power Balance website is so boring nowadays

A visit to the Power Balance website isn't as fun as it used to be. You used to be able to find such creative pseudo-sciency gems as this...

"Unlike many other ionic electro-magnetic devices, the Power Balance™ Holographic disks begin to work almost instantly, restoring optimal electro-magnetic balance and promoting free flowing energy pathways...NO PROMISES, JUST RESULTS"

"The high density Disk acts much like a switch, resonating within your system and turning on your energy field while it clears the pathways so the electro-chemical exchange function like the well tuned generator it was designed to be."

"When the static Power Balance™ Hologram comes in contact with your body's energy field, it begins to resonate in accordance with each individual's biological[sic], creating harmonic loop that optimizes your energy field and maintains maximum energy flow while clearing the pathways so the electro-chemical exchange functions like the well tuned generator it was designed to be."

That's hard to beat for creative woo energy speak. We here at the Skeptic Wire love this kind of thing. What can you find on their website today? The claims aren’t what they used to be. Their new neoprene wristbands have "extra softness"; their pendants are "built to last", and the flagship silicon bands are "sporty" and "fun". Nothing about balance, faster synaptic responses, increased stamina, electro-chemical exchanges or harmonic loops. In fact, I can't find the words "energy" or "harmonics" anywhere. How do these things work then? Well, go to the FAQ and you can see that

"The thin polyester film hologram is programmed through a proprietary process, which is designed to mimic Eastern philosophies that have been around for hundreds of years."

Wow, hundreds of years. That's impressive. And what does it do?

"Power Balance™ contains a thin polyester film hologram, which reacts differently for each person. Give it a try and see what it does for you."

I get it. It's like those video game mystery power-ups. Will it make me invisible? Will it make me able to shoot laser beams out my eyes? Who knows? Try it and see!

Of course, this comes after a series of legal losses in Australia, Italy and, most recently a class action lawsuit in California, that targeted their bogus claims forcing them to pay fines, provide rebates, and make their websites really boring for skeptics.

But can Power Balance survive as a mystery power-up company? Probably. There's one thing they can't make them take down from the web site, Shaquille O’Neal’s smiling mug.


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