Episode 162 Opens The Vault In An Emergency

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Gary and Greg LIVE July 20th, 2012

00:00    Intro
02:53    Silver (No Greg)
06:57    Disasterly Fascination (No Greg)
12:32    SSDD
16:25    One For Now
21:01    My Pet Bigfoot
25:50    Prosperity Preacher
30:38    Valentine's Day
36:00    Liberty
40:37    (SET BREAK)
41:56    Mr Reverend John Martin
45:46    Dear Prudence
50:16    My Baby Is A Scientist
54:39    Friday I'm In Love/Friday
59:12    It's All You
63:22    Seasonal Party
67:49    Shady Grove
73:28    The Argument
80:13    Feel The Way I Do

Harpo want's to join the band. She plays the keytar. 

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Episode 118 Song Challenge! "In America You Have the Right to be Stupid"

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02:00 Vegas and Weddings
05:00 Birthdays
08:15 Hemant Mehta speaks in San Antonio
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/07/08/friendly-atheist-informs-megachurch-weve-heard-all-of-it-before/
20:00 American Atheists unveil monument in Florida
http://www.catholicvote.org/top-10-awkward-facts-about-the-atheist-monument/
35:50 Ray Comfort has a new quote mine video
46:24 Song Challenge
48:55 Gregs Song
https://soundcloud.com/skepticwire/iayhtrtbs
1:03:45 Garys Song
https://soundcloud.com/skepticwire/in-america-you-have-the-right

And Calli and Maese eat at you...mmmm dog food again and SOMEthing is outside woohoo

Go to the blog for song lyrics

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Gregs Song Lyrics
It’s on TV; cell phones mutate your sperm.
Naturopaths know; cancer is caused by a worm.
They have the proof; sweet and low rots your brain.
Papers all print; gators swim round the drain.
I believe every plot that you eschew.
Thats what I believe;
Thats what I believe and you should too!

Preachers do preach; earths six thousand years old.
Fruit and flagella; are divinely controlled.
Life’s too complex; Darwin got it all wrong.
Science Expelled; those who knew it all along.
I believe fossils are the devils clue.
Thats what I believe;
Thats what I believe and you should too!

Teacher says I; dont need punctuation,
Differentiation; above my station.
The boss has me; sweep and wax the floors
We dont need no; fancy grammar no more.
I believe Ill cliff Taming Of The Shrew.
Thats what I believe;
Thats what I believe and you should too

From sea to shining sea, across the plains, fruited.
In America you have the right, to be stupid.
Sit around the house, though your belts busting.
Don’t ask out the redhead, for whom you are lusting.
Ignore your asthma; go adopt a dog.
Move to Texas; don’t do football or god
Broadcast a podcast, another in the din.
Put down that guitar; pick the mandolin…
  (Solo)
In America I have the right, to be stupid.

I think Ill put; down that metaphor.
What am I singing; this stupid song for
You can believe; and I can be a fool.
But our beliefs; should not rule the school.
I believe reality is a virtue.
Thats what I believe; Thats what I believe;
Thats what I believe and you should too!

Garys Song Lyrics
In America you have the right to be stupid
You have the right to be embarrassed for the things you may have said
In America you can pay too much for coffee
Fill the gap with sweet'n'low rot your teeth right in your head
Not every coincidence has a lesson
Not every rainbow has a pot of gold

In America you can talk like Christopher Walken
And your punctuation differentiation keeps your family from being food
Let's eat Grandma, Let's eat, Grandma
The Donner party should have paid more attention back in school
Not every salad needs a dressing
But before you beat a dead horse again you should put down that metaphor

Dumb dumb dumb dumb
In America you have the right to be stupid

In America you have the right to be stupid
You have the right to air your grievances with what other people do
In America you have the right to be complacent
You can sit at home, complain and moan, let life come to you
Not every blinking light is a UFO
Not every crime hides a conspiracy

Dumb dumb dumb dumb
In America you have the right to be stupid

Episode 099 sings a song challenge while it chugs olive oil to reduce its risk of heart attack after the New Jersey DMV refuses it service

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00:04:50 Birthday
00:14:00 We get fanmail
00:17:15 Latest Mediteranean Diet study gets mego kudos
00:37:45 New Jersey Department of Motor Vehicles does not know the FSM
00:46:20 Song Challenge
http://www.soundcloud.com/skepticwire
00:48:54 Gregs Song Third on the Left
We all know the face
That won the Revolution;
Wood teeth and cherry trees
Signed the Constitution.
But who was that third
Soldier on the right
Both crossed the Delaware
Gave the redcoats a fight
We dont know their names
But they all can claim, some acclaim.

We all know the face
Great Emancipator
Tall hat and chin beard
Quotable orator.
But who was that third
Voter on the left
Both called for a change
To heal a nation cleft.
We dont know their names
But they all can claim, some acclaim.

We all know the face
The man who had a dream;
Sit ins and boycotts
Civil resistance theme.
But who was that third
Marcher behind him
All creeds and colors
Risking life and limb.
We dont know their names
But they all can claim, some acclaim.

SOLO

We all know the faces of
The Famous and the great;
All those who deserve
Days to celebrate.
You may be that third
No one on the side;
No pull and no press
To fight the backward tide.
No one may know your name,
Giving up would be lame,
Apathy leads to blame,
Theres no reason to abstain,
Nor for over-long refrains,
Cause we can aim...  For acclaim.

00:55:40 Garys Song I Feel Like George Washington


Sometimes I feel like George Washington Chopping down a cherry tree
But thats mythology
Sometimes I feel like George Washington gnashing with his teeth of wood
If he only could but he couldnt cause they were ivory and a cows tooth and metal and some springs
They still hurt, though

Ch
Who would lie to us about the man who couldnt tell a lie
Who who make up tales and call it history
Parson Mason Weems

I wonder if George Washington ever wore a wig
It seems he did not but he powdered his hair
I wonder if George Washington really freed his slaves
It seems thats true when he was dead
He was the only slave owning President who did

Solo

Sometimes I feel like George Washington kneeling and praying in the winter snow
He didnt though he didnt care for that
He sometimes went to church but he wouldnt kneel or take communion
Or mention Jesus on his death bed
I just thought you should know

Ch
David Barton I'm talking to you

And I think my elementary school teachers but they possibly didnt know
Not that it makes it better but at least it wasnt pure dishonesty
All you can do is learn and do some research and move on

Next week March 6, 2013 we will have a live 100th show at Big Bobs Burgers in San Antonio, and none of the dogs are pleased as they will not be able to be a part of it AND they definitely will not receive food from the restaurant.

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And no picture at all, because the lyrics should be enough. I can't believe you read this far: good for you!

Episode 091 Food Song Challenge sings its way through not paying for birth control, space news, and Gary's gloating

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00:07:00 Birthdays...three of em
00:21:15 Original Dominos founder given a reprieve on paying for birth control...er...healthcare
00:28:20 Global warming may cause more geological events
00:33:30 Picture of a planet being formed
http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2013/01/captured-in-actual-pictures-the-swirling-birth-of-planets/266831/
00:36:30 NASA stuff Martian Rose, asteroids , etc
http://photoblog.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/01/03/16329185-curiosity-rover-studies-rocks-and-a-flower-on-mars?lite
Song Challenge
00:46:15 Song Challenge
00:48:45 Garys Song Mr. Creosote
00:57:15 Gregs Song Junk Food Junkie


And Harpo yowls unheard while Calli and Maese vie for their spot on the couch.

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Mr Creosote Lyrics
Mr. Creosote is better today
He has a bucketlist of things to do
Jugged hare with sauce, truffles, and Grand Marnier
And little that he has to chew

We all eat a little too much sometimes
But we must know when to stop

Mr. Creosote is finished with his bucket of food
Made with extra pate and the quail eggs on top
6 bottles of champagne six cases of beer
It's surprising he didnt stop
The waiter brings the after dinner mint
Surely kind sir wont pass it up
Just one more bite and the waffer thin mint is gone
While the other patrons throw up

Nick Wood once ate a washingbowl of porridge
Nine loaves of bread and three jugs of beer at one time
Jack Biggers tried to eat six pounds of bacon
Greens, and dumplings, bread, and a gallon of beer

Mr. Creosote thought he had it down with
Just half of his expected drink
But somethings happening inside of him
L Elegent is about to stink
A deep rumbling and expanding waist
In spite of that last ala mode
Jack Biggers maybe went the same way
Mr. Creosote is going to explode


Junk Food Junkie Lyrics

When it comes to food
I am always in the mood
My mind wants to munch
More than supper, or brunch
My will it wont say no
To a snack on the go
Picnic or potluck
Iam a slave to my stomach
More than meal routine
My brain wants dopamine.
Give it all to me
Ill always be a junk food junky.

Deep in my soul
I crave snacks in bowls
I sway and I swoon
For goodies on my spoon
My heart goes tock-tick
For carbs on a stick
I am just one more dork
When foods on my fork
When it comes to weight
I dont think straight
Hands, knife, or sporky
Ill always be a junk food junky.

Any way you serve it
My craving wont quit.
The fat hits the spot
Past cranial thought
Make it hot or bitter
My mouth posts on twitter
From bland up to savory
It all appeals to me.
No matter the cuisine
I take it fat and lean
Salty, sweet, chunky
I’ll always be a junk food junky.

Instrumental: My favorite Things

I am tempted to go nuts
For muffins or doughnuts
Id quit or play hooky
For candy or a cookie
Id turn on my fellow
For gummies or jello
Id even cancel Firefly
For ice cream or some pie
When I want to feed
Thats a dangerous need
Thats why I skipped whiskey
Ill always be … a junky

[What...you want more?! No! No pictures this week. Meh! Meeeeeeh!]

Episode 061 claws it's way to fame and fortune through the medium of skeptical tunage and interpretive rants

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00:04:09 Birthday Guglielmo Marconi and RIP Ray Bradbury

00:12:45 Ariel and Jordan update

00:14:38 Creation quote Museum unquote and Lucy

00:38:35 North Carolina legislates science

00:51:40 Jason Alexander apologizes...really

01:06:00 Song Contest: Garys song "Its a Miracle"

01:14:10 Song Contest: Gregs song "In the Beginning"

And Calliope bookends the discussion by barking the start and stop points.

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Lyrics Gary's Song "Miracle"

Lost in the dark they went searching

Searching everywhere

See moments ago, couldn't have gone far

High and low, near the door, under the blow up mattress

Finally found them in the seat of the car

It's a miracle

She was failing class she needed an A to pass

So she studied for weeks with a tutor she's speak

Working day and night to understand

And on that test something helped her get the questions right

It's a miracle, a miracle

Tho statistics show the odds were pretty good

It's a miracle, a miracle

More often than not things turn out as they would

He was down on his luck down to his last buck

So he bet it all on the lottery

He was so blessed that when he guessed

He got all the numbers spot on

And he and eight other people get to share the winnings

Tho the others didn't need the money at all

It's a miracle, a miracle

Because statistically the odds were long

It's a miracle, a miracle

Even though there was a chance it could happen

Then it was quite possible it just might happen

Don't mean to have your happiness dampened

Fine then it's a miracle

Lyrics Greg's Song "In the Beginning"

In the beginning

In the old testament   

The world was created

Man were bad, floods were sent.   

Holy fire and brimstone

Rained down on Gommorrah   

Ten plagues on Egypt

It’s all there in the torah.   

(CHORUS)

Where are your miracles now?

In the day, god could cook.

Where are your miracles now?

Maybe it’s just a book.

In the beginning

In the old testament   

Red sea was parted

Wars won when walls were rent.   

Men could live in a whale

Manna came from the sky   

Men who looked in the ark

Would just lie down and die.   

(CHORUS)

In the beginning

In the new testament   

A virgin had a child

Shepherds saw the portents.   

Lazarus came to life

Lame could walk, blind could see.   

Touch his robe

Magic in Galilee.   

(CHORUS)

(Instrumental)

(CHORUS)

In the beginning

A little boy in New Jersey   

Goes to his church 

Testament sounds too flimsy.   

Your story doesn’t match

The real world that he sees.   

What’s happened?  What’schanged?

Answer that mystery.  

(CHORUS)

(CHORUS Repeat & fade)

The Big Board

Episode 057 gaily sings of death, taxes, and condolences

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This Week:

Intro:

00:02:25 Birthday Richard Howard Carter

00:05:14 White Medicine Cloud found slaughtered

00:08:00 Barack Obama endorses gay marriage...sorta kinda

00:15:55 Coalition of Reason puts up a San Antonio billboard and forms a coalition of Reasonable folk

00:31:38 What to say to non-religious folk when bad things happen

00:52:45 April Music Challenge "Death and Taxes"

00:53:54 Greg's Song: "Bunkam Comes To Town"

00:58:09 Greg song discussion

01:03:33 Gary's Song "Death and Taxes"

01:05:55 Gary song discussion

01:09:25 Next song challenge discussion

01:14:15 Lightning Round

And the dogs get off to a rousing start, taking orders via a dogernet over-air ordering system.

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The Big Board

Greg's Lyrics "Bunkam Comes to Town"

My name is John Bunkum. 

I hail out of London. 

My wares are desired

From palace to shire

When I come to your town

Your faith won’t let you down

I’ll feed you the facts and

Charge you no taxes.

Step right up, buy a dream Just a few Lira.

Ancient rites, new age cures All yours at cost-a.

Amulets magical Clean out your Aura.

Feeling off? Hold these stones Straighten your Chakra.

Buy a trance so you danceOver Hot Lava.

Fortunes told, read the stars Venus and Ursa.

Bottom blocked? Lax your bowel With tea of Senna.

Toxin purge wash your gut Rinse with hot Java.

Ten steps for Alchemy Gold from base meta.

Ecstasy, breath it in From my fine hookah.

Ancient rites, new age cures All yours at cost-a.

Step right up, buy a dream Just a few Drachma.

Artifacts, most holy Show off your dogma.

I’ve got a parchment piece Genuine Torah.

Lose your way? My prayer rugs Always points Mecca.

Here’s a blade, kills demons Just like the Krishna.

Saintly robes show your paunch Round like the Buddha.

Build your ark, cubit style Call yourself Noah.

Bones of saints made into Beads for your Rosa.

Buy this tome to submit Your life to Allah.

Need to clear your old soul? Here's the Pope's Rota.

Artifacts, most holy Show off your dogma.

My name is John Bunkum

I hail out of London

Some say I deceive

Maybe I believe?

My patrons think it’s real,

So I make them a deal:

They pay their wish tax,

And just lose some cash.

Step right up, buy a dream Just a few Krona.

Wonders from far and wide Brought here by Sherpa.

Finest fruit all the way From Bora Bora.

Pain cures from India Venom of Cobra.

Cure it with powder pale Just like in China.

Grecian food make yourself Strong like a Sparta.

Thousand year calendars Carved by the Maya.

Indian tapestry Live like a Rajah.

Crystals clear brought here by Vasco de Gama.

Rhino horn smuggled from Forests of Ghana

Wonders from far and wide Brought here by Sherpa.

Step right up, buy a dream Lay down your moolah.

You can land your true love Worthy of saga.

Draw the men with perfume Moths to the fya.

Learn how to swing your hips Catch him with Cha-cha.

Ask fairy Godmother Go to the gala.

Bona fide kimonos Be your man's geisha.

My herbs will levitate His “little fellah”.

Learn the words, just fourteen Win him with versa.

Mix potions to snare your Baby a da-da.

Cast a curse get rid of That bar maid Laura.

You can land your true love Worthy of saga.

My name is John Bunkum

I hail out of London

My wares are desired

From palace to shire

When I come to your town

Your faith won’t let you down

You pay your faith tax

Cause who needs the facts?

__________________________________________________________________

Gary's Lyrics to "Death and Taxes"

Death and Taxes

There are two things we all expect

Just take a minute to reflect

It won't take a giant intellect

To maintain a society

In which our freedom isn't free

They are our patriotic duty

Death and Taxes

To fight the wars and build the roads

To clean the streets when it has snowed

To keep the rivers safely flowed

Because our bodies do not last

Because we will repeat the past

Because some hate the iconoclast

Death and Taxes

We pay the price (Certified Accountancy)

We pay the price (Just for being born)

We pay the price (unless you can afford a PO box in the Cayman Islands)

We pay the price